世上没有丑女人，只有懒女人

Since young I was always being called "Fatty" in class, my heaviest was at 70kg when I was 12 years old. I've always cared very much of what other people think of me...but I was too scared to lose my friends...so I "tolerate", convincing myself that they are only just kidding when they called me "fatty", never knowing how deep it influenced me in my confidence level...

I spent my whole 12 years of primary and secondary school life feeling stressed and sad everyday as I didn't have time for myself, since even lunch break I needed to help classmates do homework, buy food, run errands etc. I do not mind helping if they appreciated my efforts...the main reason I started to slim down was actually because I didn't have time to eat during break time...thus causing me to suffer from Low Blood and Gastric till now...

I have always blamed my schoolmates for giving me such a bad experience in school life, but then I realized it was also my fault as I was the one who chose to do all those things. After I left secondary, I decided to Transform myself, inner and outer. I wasn't going to let other people affect what I love to do - Beauty.

Now I treat all my past experiences as a good example to give to other people who are facing the same situation. CHANGE is the key to transform your life, CHANGE instead of BLAME. When you realize your value, people will respect you for your value as well!

自小我就被班上的同学叫“肥婆”，我最重的时候是12岁70kg, 我一直很在乎别人对我的看法，可是我太害怕失去我的朋友，所以我选择了“忍”。也没有想到这些对我的自信心造成多么深的阴影。

从小学到中学的12年里，我每天都过得很恐惧很压力，毕竟连下课的时间我也必须帮同学印笔记，做功课，排队买食物等。可惜我觉得同学都不懂得感恩，我会瘦下来的主要原因也是因为下课时没有时间吃东西，导致现在的贫血和胃痛...

我之前一直埋怨同学在我的小学中学生涯对我造成那么不愉快的回忆，但之后发觉到其实这一切都是自己一厢情愿的。离开中学之后，我决定改变自己，内在与外在。我不会再被别人的眼光及言语影响我爱做的事 - 美。

过去的不好回忆我会把它当成是很好的例子，激发更多与我一样状况的人。 蛻变是改变人生的关键。改变，不是埋怨。当你发觉自己的价值，别人也会看到你的价值！

Revamping my blog

Its been more than a year since I last posted in my blog, and many things have changed since then.
I finally completed my Image Design & Management course, and I have been working as Assistant Image Consultant/Admin for a year.

My mission is to Inspire more people to Love themselves, have Peace in what they think, and have Passion to pursue their dreams!

I've decided to share my knowledge in Image, Colors, and Beauty at my blog!
In the future I'll be sharing on some tips, experiences, as well as my hauls!
So please STAY TUNED!

Famine 30 Camp (4/8/2012-5/8/2012)

I haven't been a really big fan of camps...this is only the third camp i've went so far in my entire life! I admit my low blood and gastric has given so mny limitations! I always go home bruised ard my whole body or sick the next day lol! but all the while i've been wanting to go to this camp, and so happens I found out my deary is coming...so of cuz, no reason nt to go xD

Im glad i was chosen to be group leader...So mny things I thought I couldnt do, in the end I did it! being leader made me push myself harder, and I reli thank my members for choosing me, no matter what reason it is xD

the first night my whole body started aching...@@ especially my legs T.T till I cant sleep on the floor T.T but Im alredi prepared for that, Juz whn I tot I could actually get through it and look forward to see my deary, the gastric pain came == I didnt get to enjoy the whole concert T.T

seeing ppl so high, I wanna scream and clap and stand up to dance too, but I cnt T.T finally my deary came, and mentally and physically I immediAtely felt better xD

everytime I see him I love him more and more, theres no reason nt to love him! if there is, pls name me ONE! lol Im so happy that i chose to join the Homanics DIY camp! getting to spend time with ppl tat all have the same interests as me!

I will definitely be back next year (if he comes) xD Ill never forget all the memories, the people i met...:))

Love, Peace, Music ♥

Happy father's day daddy ♥

This weekend is Father's day, I know you're very practical...and because you are doing your own men's wear line...you even have your own line of health products you believe in...there really nothing I can get for you...I can only promise to make you a card everytime every year on your birthday and father's day...

people usually care for their dads more on fathers day...I wish to celebrate with you everyday...the only thing I'm still really proud of is that from young you have tought me how to "goodnight/goodbye kiss" and "welcome hug"...although I feel that its hard to communicate with you nowadays Im still glad we maintain this...many ppl never hugged or kissed their dads before...

that's the main reason I feel so sensitive about everything regarding to you...everything you said and did to me...it means so much to me...since I felt that we used to be so close when I was young...I remember I was always so proud to have a dad like you because we used to always think the same...

since mom has gone, you totally became the reverse person of who I thought you were....the starting time I really couldn't accept your sudden change...I kept asking myself why you became like this...as time slowly passed I realized that you still love and care for us alot...you just didn't know how to deal with alot of the things that came by...

I know you still can't let go of the past...you always told me not to look back but you're the one who is looking back...everytime I try to start a conversation with you, it always ends up the same...i will be crying to sleep and you will be complaining about what mom did...how she was...

the past is the past, no matter what mom did in the past, no matter how wrong you think she was...she's not here anymore...please stop comparing me with her, stop assuming me even before you give me a chance to explain myself...its hurting us all....

I want to tell you how much I love and care about you but I can't....everytime before I start my tears fall...you hate to see ppl crying but I really can't help it....Im sorry...>.< it really hurts me that you say i'm FAKE when I cry...i admit I was FAKE in the past...I hated my past school life...i was too afraid of loneliness, too afraid to hear how ppl thought of me...

but after all this I realized what is most important in my life...I am never fake to anyone anymore...I will never even again live my life to please other ppl...I might look strong on the outside but whn Im with my family, I'm the most vulnerable...outside I can always control my tears but in front of you guys I can't...

I believe that there will be one that day you finally realize you can trust me...I will try to prove to you...but now for the time being I'll just keep continueing to try to show you how much I love you...
Happy Father's Day my dearest daddy...I love you with all my heart more than anything else...

I promise I will live my life to the fullest and try not to let you worry bout me anymore...wish you luck in everything you do and wish for...wish you happiness in life...wish you health to continue all your dreams..., Muacks ♥

Happy Mother's Day mommy ♥

recently there are so many ads for Mothers Day frm radios, tv...where ever I go...Promotions...or just simple ads asking us to cherish and love our mom...Of course I love my mom more than ever...but how or wat cn I do to prove it to her? i've always dreamt of having a sister...someone I cn share everything wif...but I realized if my mom was still here tat person wud be her...

sometimes I just wanna ask God...why? wat did my mom do to deserve tis? Why won't you give me a chance to show her how much I love and cherish her? I've seen ppl lose their family members...only in movies...i have nvr even imagined anything like this wud happen to me...everything just happened too soon...just whn I started to reach the point where I cn finally CONNECT wif my mom and share everything wif her...she was gone...

Its impossible to not think abt it...she's my life...she gave me life...she'll be in my mind all the time...i will always remember the feeling whn I was waken by the sound of the beeping machine in the hospital...and the sound of the nurses running in and out...I actually felt NOTHING...i guess my heart just stopped...i was still holding her hand...the only relief I felt tat day was tat she didn't have to suffer anymore...and she went so peacefully it didn't even wake me sleeping beside her...

I only regret tat I havent spent much time to connect wif her....seeing other peoples posts and pics about their mom...Im actually so freakin jealous! I have let go alot of the pass compared to before...maybe this is the only thing I will never be able to let go...



I do miss my grandma alot too...but I'm quite okay with it...since its something we cnt change...afterall, I do think its time for her to rest...I can imagine how she felt...when she saw her own daughter falling more and more ill day by day...they were so optimistic the first few months...my mom even said tat wait till she recoverd we would go to the park together every weekend...and we would change our lifestyle for the better...

i know my dad is in pain too...and I know he doesnt know how to express his feelings...but Im really trying so hard to express my feelings to them...let them know what situation im in...sometimes I just wish they wud try a little bit harder to communicate too...i just don't know how to communicate wif them anymore...i understand guys and gals are totally different in settling their feelings...but just once I wish we wud all be thinking in the same page...and let each one of us know wat we're really thinking...

can you believe it? this is the ONLY ONE pic we have as a whole family...i know my mom is a vry family-oriented person too...i rmb her telling me tat someday she wanted to get a pic of our whole family wif her in her wedding dress...but I just think my dad is too practical to think of these things...its actually my dream too...to have a nice family portrait...even now if my mom and grandma were not in it...i'll still appreciate it so much if my dad wud just put a little effort and time in doing this...

i know tat my dad's personality is actually abit similar as mine...its just tat so many things happened and i think he just cuts off everything...i know my dad needs love too...i know sometimes he himself finds it hard to deal with his own feelings...so he just chose to dun care about everything...

i guess my bros the same too...i just really really hope ONE DAY...we could all open up completely to each otr...have a heart-to-heart talk...afterall, who is there left for us to open up to? we're the only ones left...everytime I try to tell them my feelings, they either cut me off....or say something negative about me...i know sometimes they don't mean it...but im a really sensitive person...i really do mind about how ppl think of me...moreover they are the ppl i love and care about most in the whole wide world...of course the effect would be deeper...nowadays i just learn to let go of it...the more i learn to let go, the more freedom I'll get...

so many old memories in my head...I don't remember exactly everything very clearly....I just remembered the feeling...if i could go back in time...I wouldnt waste half of my lifetime on irrelavant ppl...I used to live for other ppl...bt now only my family has the power to control me...I will NOT be controlled by other ppl ever again! as long as I feel I treated everything everyone right...its enuff.... 

ha! everytime I write about these I will cry non-stop...bt its okay...the more I reach the end the less tears I have...so by the time I reached tis sentence, my tears have all gone :)) writing my blog and talking to myself has really helped me alot...im sometimes quite proud of myself whn I thk tat i no longer need to rely on anyone anymore :))

I really really really miss you mum...婆婆我也很想你...Happy mothers day, 母情节快乐 :))



Love you, 爱你♥

Leehom Music-Man II KL concert

Date: 3/3/2012
Time: 8:00pm

went with my babe...I help her pay rm150 of the VIP ticket as her early birthday present...xD
hope she liked her present ^^ first time in my life I went to a live concert...and it rained before it started...and continued raining until concert ended also havent stop =.= starting time reli felt very 扫兴lar...but once the dragon clef appeared on the background of the stage, i forgot about the rain...XD

虽然是下雨, 可是火力依然全开xD frm begining till end...there was never one second I felt bored at all...
so happy that tis time he din invite some kelefe local singer as special guest @@ so many wonderful memories filled into my head...=))

now everytime whn I feel bored or down...I just think of that day...and Ill smile...hahaha
I never regreted waiting for so long till his concert...I had many chances to go to otr concerts...but i just kept telling myself that i wanna keep my "First Time" for my deary ♥ XD

unfortunately...my NOOB camera only managed to take 100+ pics...thn the battery went dead T.T not even half of the concert yet T.T damn! ><

Happy birthday to my dearest daddy...

I love you, daddy...although I'm too shy to say the words out loud...i really love you very very much...everytime when I see you disappointed or angry, it breaks my heart...that's just exactly why I'm always so pissed when bro does something stupid...

You and bro are the only family I have left...I told myself that I will always put family first and cherish all the times we have together...I just hope you guys understand that too....losing 2 loved ones in such a short period of time is really such a big hit to me...I don't think I can stand losing another someone I love anymore....

I really really love you, I hope you feel it too....happy birthday daddy...I wish you health, wealth, and everything good in life...:)))♥